I didn't like it this way.

Thinking deep down, what i want for my life now.
In fact, i couldn't do anything. Its not the first time i felt this way. Not the first time i felt so helpless. But everytime when im like this, i couldn't find any shoulder to lean on. I couldn't find anyone to talk to. Thts the worse tht could happen.
If only i have a bf like almost every girl does, i could have cried to him. I could have told myself, its ok i still have my bf with me. And add on a smiley to every stattement i made. But tht doesn't happen to me unfortunately.
Well, its not like i must have a bf. I don't need tht either.
Rather, i'd prefer having so many friends arnd me. Giving me those kinda support tht you'll definitely ask for when you're emotionally, spiritually and physically down and upset.
Gawd, im damn upset right now and who on earth was here. Maybe because i got used to keeping things to myself. And i didn't like to speak when im upset. Cos thta when my attitude comes and screw everything up.

I quarreled with mummy, again.

To me, my mother is god damn precious. I love her tht much but she don't seem to know. I have to say, i cry almost everytime i quarrel with her. Im not afraid of ppl saying im so cry baby. But pls, im just too emotional. I don't want to quarrel anymore.. Its tiring. Really it is. Mummy had moved out. She's not staying with me anymore. Thts exactly why i have to cherish my mother more.. But, quarrels still happen more than those times we could talk nicely to each other. Sometimes i ask, why do i have such background. Why do i live in such a environment. Why does so many other ppl smile so happily with their parents? Why ain't my daddy and mummy like other kid's daddy and mummy? ):
I still have doubts of a young girl. Although i know the reasons behind all these, but i can't help asking.

Sigh.
I want to put a full stop to all these.
I cried but it didn't help. I tried damn hard to talk to my mother nicely. I tried everything i could.

Frankly speaking, im a emotional weakling. I cannot handle my emotions well. I cannot handle affairs of my own heart well, not to mention relationship.
Im still dwelling in the past. It didn't happen long ago, just 2 months ago.
Those times tht we had tgt.
I cherished, i treasured but i lost him. He wont come bk anymore, just because of the reason tht he threw at me. he still love his ex gf. It might be an excuse, just to breakup with me. Oh well, im also god damn tired to think and revive those memories alrd. Im thinking everyday, everytime i pass by places tht reminds me of you its like thinking bk on something tht will never ever come bk to me again.
I begged all i can. I tried all i can to have you bk with me. I don't understand what is wrong and why is this happenening.
I tot i could let it go after some time. But, it's been quite some time alrd. We didn't get tgt for a long time anww. And definitely i took much more time to tell myself stop thinking than the lifespan of our relationship. People might have though im over you, but no im not. I still think, but i don't say tht much anymore. Say for what, noone understands. Im not out to gain anybody's sympathy anyway, i don't see a point in saying alll these.

Sometimes i think tht i should just put an edn to this and tell myself i die die have to stop reminding myself alrd. But everytime i think, i see your face in my mind, i can't help but start again, thinking of you. You're truly an ass, to make me feel so pain even though we're tgt for only one pathetic week. Im sucha fool sucha stupid girl. Everything came so suddenly, and it ended so suddenly too. Wow, power la you.
Im trying so hard. But it always comes to me like nobody's business.
Sigh. what am i suppose to do.
I miss you but i shouldn't. Cos you wont turn bk alrd, and its for sure. Nothing can be done and although i don't wanna say it, but still,Its alrd the past.
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And last./ I have to cope with my $$$$$ issue too.
I need a job to feed myself.
I need a job real soon.
I just got my pay today for last weekend's work.
&&&&&&
worst,
they cut my pay.
Its like wtf?!!?!?!?

They don't need me to work every weekend anymore. Cos business's real bad.
so...
I need to find a job. Probably going for job hunt during this week end to come.
Any job intro? ):
I really need money now. Gawd, its so damn headache.
I hate it when i have no money, i hate me when im like this.

I shall end my ranting with..





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I have a thousands of unhappiness to complain about. But anw im fated to be like this in this life. Nothing can be done.
I want to be a happy girl everyday w/o troubles too, don't i?